It's (not) Like It Seems

When i was walking at the city today, i was realized that i'm too tired of myself. Then i tend to blame someone, instead. I should not be like this. I really have never expected this, though. On the other side, i don't want to be blamed for being this kind of moody person. I'm still an ordinary human that can't be always able to handle everything i'm facing, even i thought i could. I gotta be happier at least on the weekend. Well, in fact that thought is not working today as i just realized. One of my friends here said "Stefani, why you look so sad and tired ? everyday you look the same, on the weekdays at campus or on the weekend. Hope something can make you happier." See, how i'm affected others. I felt so guilty. It seems like i can't control myself for anything. It doesn't mean i never tried to ignore this feelings. Miles away from people i love probably one of the reasons to make me feel so low lately. Losing any excitement and motivation i really feel as the time goes by. The days are becoming more and more hectic, crazy, and it's like i don't have anymore space in my mind to patch these things. My mind will be blown up slowly if so. This is really just not me. Will i lose my-really-self as i lose my motivation ?

Apparently i just keep asking one question to myself "what's the meaning of life ?"